2018 was a very messy year, and I don’t think I’m alone in saying that. As I reflect and think back to January of this year, I had an opportunity to attend a leadership workshop where our instructor had us set a one-word theme for the year. Running my first marathon was just a few short weeks away so naturally, the word fearless came to mind.
So as I made my way to the start line, with a head full of fears about so many things ranging from would I be able to finish? And also anticipating what kind of hell is this year going to put me through, knowing this could be a life-changing year. For more on that check out the blog post on my first marathon. But something so small as writing down that one word, kept it forefront when I needed it the most. In my mind, I switched gears, was so grateful to be in Surf City, put trust in all the hours I spent training for this very moment and fearlessly went for a 26.2-mile run.
When I did cross that finish line, I definitely felt like I could take on anything after that, but it still didn’t mean I wanted to. Life seemed unfair to be dealt this stack of cards. Why me? What will happen when we get back? Maybe this is the rock bottom anticipated before things turning entirely around for the better? Deep down, although deep down I knew better. When we returned I had to be fearless after I heard the news that my SO had maybe 4 to 6 months to live. I had already heard this once in 2011, so I was stuck between feeling like the last 7 years was a time debt that had reached its limit, or maybe he could pull out of it again, and there would be many years of greatness ahead. I always knew we were on borrowed time since 2011, and while his closest friends, family and myself wished he would have made changes to live healthier, it wasn't up to us. It would've had to be his decision alone. Think about it, how much success do you have with goals, when you pursue them for other people and put yourself on the back of the list?
Change happens from within on your terms
Sadly this was it, time to say goodbye forever and how could I ever find anything positive in having to do that? But I forced myself to and what I saw was very slim but mighty. In flipping my perspective of this situation, I did see some things to be grateful for such as actually being able to say goodbye. How many people lose loved ones suddenly, without that option? I was also glad I had a journey through marathon training first. All those miles help set your mind up to face life’s pain causing obstacles. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks, hurts and is totally unfair if you ask me. But I’m learning to live with that, and am slowly evolving into a stronger person from it. Just like there are sore and tired muscles in training that you have to teach your mind how to deal with it to get faster or run longer.
The outcome of pain is